Intentional Living | How We Date Our Kids (all 6 of them!)

If you haven’t read a bit about me or aren’t following along on Instagram yet I’m mostly likely known as the mom with “a lot of kids”--6 of them to be exact. And because I know you’re wondering already, right now they’re ages 7, 6 yo twins, 5, 3 & 1 (if you do the math we had 6 within 6 years)--and no, I don’t know if we’re done yet. ;)

Shane and I always knew we wanted at least 4 when we first got married and I always dreamed that having my kids closer in age would be so fun-- but there was no predicting just how close they’d actually get to be. (seriously, i didn’t know it was possible until it happened! haha) The more we talked about having kids and when we actually got to experience having one for the first time, the more our desire for having a big family grew.

mother and daughter sitting on bench together

When our twins were born our oldest was only 10.5 months old and one of the biggest feelings I had during that season was how much I felt pulled at not being able to give her all of my undivided attention. Not only her, but each of them. I wanted so badly to somehow morph all of me into three separate people so they could each have all of me. While I, in a way, grieved that I couldn’t be 3 separate people for them at the same time, I held the truth that this was exactly what God wanted for our family and had to fully trust Him to fill in the gaps. The more I leaned into that trust, the more I could see that their closeness in age would be a gift as they grew up. Fast forward to now, it's a bigger gift that I could have ever imagined.

The longing to give them all of my full attention has never really gone away (does it for any mother, though?). I still want to give them the most of me that I possibly can. And because I know I can’t be 6 six people at once, I know that means being creative and more intentional with my time and how we are raising them. One of my biggest desires is wanting them to grow up knowing they had a mom that was all in for them, who was present and always a safe place for them. That they could look back on their childhood feeling like they were seen and heard and known-- even among a big family.

coley kuyper and daughter on a date

mother and daughter wearing matching shoes

When we think of the word “dating” we often think about a significant other or dating someone in a romantic way. I wondered if I should title this post “dating our kids” because of that very reason. But when I thought about the reason dating exists I thought about these things: to spend quality time together, to give undivided attention to someone you care about, to ask questions in order to deepen the relationship and truly know the person. And this is what I think about when I think of how to make those desires I mentioned above to come to life. If I want my kids to grow up knowing they had a mom that was present and safe then the first place I need to start focusing on is their heart--doing my best in the ways I know how to connect with who they are and who God has created them to be.

When Raleigh was about 3 years old and the twins were 2 we started setting aside time during the week to take each of them out with one parent. I know there’s a handful of ways to make time to date your kids depending on your family and schedules and we have had to restructure the ways we do it with each new season (or new baby) that has come along. The way that we have done it for the past couple years seems to work best for our ever changing lifestyle. So I’m sharing how we have been able to do it with ours in hopes it will give you some ideas and inspire you to think through ways to make intentional one on one times with your little ones too.

mom and toddlers sitting at a coffee shop

(pics from my first one on one dates with the twins and Raleigh--and now I'm crying a little :))

coffee cups on a table

How we schedule dates:

Each month Shane and I alternate with who’s month it is to take kids out. For example. January was my month to take each kid out and February is his. Then from there each kid gets their week to be taken out. Right now it has worked monthly with the kids since we haven’t started taking Dash out yet. But once he turns 3 we will start rotating him in.

Since Dash and Penny are so little and still take naps, the hour or two after we put our oldest girls to bed will be our intentional time with them. This usually consists of throwing a ball, wrestling, jumping on the couch, reading books, playing peek-a-boo, and laughing at every goofy thing they want to do. I think even for them at this age, it's instilling in them that they are getting some special one on one time with mom and dad. I can tell Dash looks forward to it once we start bedtime when he yells “I go sit on da couch mama”--waiting for our time to hangout together.

We don’t always stick strictly to this schedule, but we do the best we can with it. Sometimes we may have to skip a week, but usually from there we just pick from where we left off and take the next kid out, whoever’s turn it is.

We’ve had to get really creative with some of the things we’ve done on dates too and I’ve listed below some ideas we’ve done in the past. I will add to this when we come up with more and I’ll be sharing more on my reels little snippets of our date ideas.

mother and daughter talking together sitting on a bench mother and daughter wearing matching shoes

(p.s. I love matching with my girls any chance we get-- and so far they have loved it too. Our matching shoes here are a gift from Sols and they're the perfect fit for spring/summertime. You can use code COLEY10 to get yourself 10% off too)

Ideas for dates:

-Pick up a puzzle or two from the dollar store and make them together at a coffee shop
-Take them out to breakfast for some smiley pancakes or french toast
-Go putt or hit balls at the local golf course
-Grab a free cookie at AJs Fine Foods (they give cookies to kids for free) and a lemonade and hangout on the grass (we love going to the one at Uptown Plaza in Central Phx)
-Take a little bike ride around the park
-Make a picnic together and to take it to the park
-Pick out a game to play together at a coffee shop
-Go out to eat Ice cream at a fun place. (We love Churn and Sweet Republic)
-Tea party at a tea shop with a dollar store tea set. We’ve gone to Milk Run to get boba tea or gelato and love it there.
-Let them plan it and come up with fun ideas
-Bring a sketchbook along and draw pictures of your date in it together. I started one a couple years ago and it's fun to look back on what we did and how much better they’re getting at drawing over the years.
-Get yourself a Loom journal-- I love how this journal allows you to connect with your child. I just started using it more with Raleigh (my 7 yo.) since she's been getting better at reading and writing and she loves it
-Grab pizza together for dinner and ask each other questions or play the game 20 questions
-Get dressed up and have them choose a “fancy”dinner out
-Walk around the mall site seeing (maybe do each other’s makeup for fun at the beauty store :))
-Go to an art museum together. I took Raleigh to Wonderspace one time and it was so much fun to do together
-Bring paints and canvas on a picnic to paint a picture together-- makes for a special keepsake later on
-Get donuts and walk around a cute neighborhood playing I Spy
-Go to a local farm and visit some animals
-Take them to a bookstore and find a cozy corner to read some new books together in

-Explore outside on a little hiking trail and collect things together along the way

Another thing we’ve done is take one kid out with both me and Shane so they get undivided attention from the two of us together. This one is a little harder to work in sometimes as it takes scheduling a babysitter so most of the time we do this for birthdays. It's pretty special every time we get to make it happen.

It has been really fun to continue to do this as they’ve gotten older, the conversations get more fun and the ways I see their personality come out differently because it’s just the two of us is my favorite part.

I hope you and your little one will get to use some of these ideas or come up with some new ones on your own to make special memories together. More than that I hope as you date your kids, it will create more connection, trust, and love in your relationship and that they will look back at these moments remembering them as some of their favorites from growing up.

Enjoy, friends!

Pin this photo to refer back to for later:

mom and daughter on a bench with words ideas for dates with kids above it

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